JULY 29TH

     For those of you that have read from the beginning, this is now the 13th post and I'm FINALLY caught up and in real time!  I'm sure the previous ones are crazy to read with past/present tenses and all but I'll fix that later.  As for now, we are getting ready to go see Dr. Kane again in the morning.
     We have a bag packed for the worst case that Jake has to be admitted again, Jaden has all his stuff to stay with my parents for the night if needed and the boys are in bed.  Of course we want a good report, a high platelet count and to come home early tomorrow but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.  People have asked me what's next or what happens with Jake....I don't know.  All I know is that we will go back to Temple tomorrow and do more blood work.  Since we will be at the hospital, we will get the results back rather quickly.  Once we know his results we will learn what is happening next.  I don't know what we will do if they are low.  I don't know what we will do if they are high.  I just don't know.
     I do know that we have prayed and prayed for a high platelet count!  I am hopeful that his numbers are higher, but then again I was sure they would be higher than 25 last Wednesday and they weren't.  I don't see how they can still be low after 5 days of steroids though!  I'm afraid to be too hopeful because of the let down when we hear a low number.  It's crushing, heart wrenching and infuriating all in one. Honestly, it's nauseating to sit here and think about right now.  So, enough on thinking about that....
     The other thing I worry about if they are high is that he will be steroid-dependent.  We will go over that more with Dr. Kane in the next couple visits especially if he does have more doses of steroids.  This basically would mean that his body is dependent on the steroids to keep a normal platelet count which we would not want.  His body has to learn to do this on its own again.
     As I sit here getting ready for bed, I just can't help but ask myself that one word question again...."Why?"  Why did this even happen to begin with?  What happened inside of him that got his system so out of whack and turned his body against his platelets?  Will it ever go back to normal?!?
     I can only pray it will.  I have to remind myself that God knows why, God knows when and God will lead us in the right direction to get Jake the help that he needs.  I thank God every night that even through all this worry I have, Jake doesn't even really know he is 'sick'.  He heard us talk about it at first but I have made a very conscious effort to not say key things around him if I even have to talk about it.  I just say things like "We are going back to the doctor or hospital for a checkup."  I don't want him to think of himself as being any different or to have a label put on him.  
     If you saw Jake today, he looked great!  He had very minimal bruising, and the ones he did have were only on his legs.  He has no petechiae, no fever, nothing.  He looks like every other healthy, four-year old child out there.  For this I am grateful and thankful!  
     Thank you again to those that are calling/texting/messaging us to stay updated.  You are not bothering us at all.  If we are busy-we just won't answer right then. :)  Starting this blog really has helped me in so many ways and I've heard from some of you that are personally touched by this.  It brings a smile to my face to think about.  I know some think this is such a minor thing and "it's only one small number" but to them I would just pray for understanding and not judgement on how we are responding to this.  Jake's 'one small number' could drop at an instant and if it gets as low as it was, the unimaginable could happen in the blink of an eye.  None of us would want that!  We will continue to blog and update all of you as things happen and hopefully tomorrow will be the start of only good blogs showing the miracles that only God can perform!  Goodnight, say a prayer for Jake, and God bless!
~Stephanie